Friday, November 23, 2012

Wor(ry).. What is it good for?

Ok... that's a corny title... and besides that, it's a stretch of the phonetics of the word anyway..... moving on.

I can't believe I'm sharing this. I've only shared this with one other person, but I find it necessary for me and anyone else that worries....Here's a peak into my every day brain...

I wake up and immediately think of what is it that I've been worrying about lately. All day, as soon as I realize I've quit worrying... it starts again. It's as if I don't want a minute to pass without worrying about whatever it is I'm worrying about incase it sneaks up on me and catches me off guard.... This is an all day thing... It might be something small or something huge... I'm just always worrying..

In the car, I worry about a car crossing the center line and hitting me head on.
In a public place, I worry about someone coming in and robbing the place or taking hostages.
While running, I worry about being kidnapped.
When eating something that I'm leary of, I worry about getting food poisoning or E.coli.
I worry about losing loved ones without getting to say good-bye.
I worry about my house burning down every time I start the dryer.
I worry about going broke.
I worry about never getting a classroom to teach in.
I worry about never having a baby of my own.
I worry about the impression I made on someone I encountered that day.
I worry about a tire blowing and me driving off the side of the road.
I worry about being stranded without cell reception.
I worry about breaking a tooth while I'm eating.

I worry all day, every day. I'm always worrying about something...anything.

*****Unfortunately, due to a new format, previous pins will no longer appear*****
I've pinned all the things about worry...
Great advice
Worry. Worry worry worry.



And I've read a ton of things about worry.....

It creates a huge shadow out of a tiny thing....
It's like praying for something that you don't want to happen....
It is the darkroom where negatives develop....

All of these things are great, but the worry continues.... I fear things that are not in my control. I fear powerlessness. I feel the worry increasing with age, as I understand more and more about life, and worry about how bad my worrying will be once I have children to worry about. I don't want to teach my children to worry like I do. I have to get this under control before I raise a family. I want to be in control of my life.

This week, I read about the connection of worry to anxiety. I don't know why, but the two never linked in my head before. I knew I was anxious a lot and had anxiety about many things, but realizing that I have anxiety nearly every awake moment of my day was something that shocked me. I have anxiety.

Dealing with anxiety has many approaches.... medicine is not an option at this point for me. I don't feel that my worry affects my every day life. I can go on through the worry. I just plan and think about what I would do in situations that may or may not every happen. Speaking of which-- one of the huge ways to overcome anxiety is to stop playing out situations in your head. Hello! That's me. I do it all day! Another is to accept the worry and let it go.... I'm not sure how to go about this one, but I'll try. Another way is to allow a certain amount of time per day to worry, and to write down your worries... I can try these too.

While reading about worry and its link to anxiety, I came across this:   Worry is the opposite of trusting God. It is simply a lack of faith. Worry replaced by Prayer equals Trust.

These words were crushing to me... I don't want to think of myself as someone who is against God. I was raised in a family that had a love for God and attended church. As a teenager, I attended a bible study a few evenings a week, read my bible, praised the Lord, and so on...... But the more I think... the more I realize that my worry did begin when my faith began to fall....

As more and more unfair things were thrown my way in life and I began to question life itself, my faith began to take a rocky path.... The unfair things led to circumstances that make my life difficult. Not having a teaching job leads to very little money in the bank which leads to worrying that I will go broke... See how the connections are made from my life to my worry?  Do I think that 'happiness' in all aspects of life would relieve the worry? No... there would always be something to worry about, but the drastic circumstances almost always seem to relate back to money... The worry about health/car accidents/not having a family/etc lead back to money because we couldn't afford many more doctors bills right now. I hope and wish that getting hired as a classroom teacher someday will help ease the worry.... easing the pain in my heart has to ease the worry...

Any way... back to my faith. I'll admit. It's shaky right now. Awful, I know. I don't want to be the person I am... I don't want to have the hard feelings on the inside that I have.... I want to be a person of faith. A person that others look to for the words they feel on the inside. Even though I'm dealing with a shaky faith, I still go to my study bible during difficult times... Here are some scriptures I found that had me in tears...

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Proverbs 12:25
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Please join me on my journey of overcoming the anxiety and regaining my faith in Him and life.....


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