Tuesday, January 29, 2013


I'm sure this number is low (in fact, I know it's low because a lot of ya'll have counters) compared to a lot of your blogs... but I just logged in to find that I have exactly 15,000 pageviews!   It is exciting that I have that many, but also that I was logged in to see that exact figure...not one over, not one under....the exact number!

Until Next Time..

Saturday, January 26, 2013

I love Hallmark

I was in Hallmark last week...killing time.
Found these adorable things...
(I used the camera on my phone without a flash, so they aren't good quality. I was trying not to draw attention to the 'crazy lady in aisle 9' taking pictures of merchandise... hello! shoplifter on our hands!)

Sent this to my girlfriends...

Would this not look AWESOME near a guest book!?!? Wish I would have had it : (

All the Disney stuff would have been perfect for our wedding. I love Disney princess movies!
(Belle is my favorite.)
Disney just does something to warm my heart.
The way they words things is just perfect.

Wouldn't the The Wizard of Oz stuff be perfect as housewarming gifts!?
 I'll have to remember that for the future...
(Cam and I have a love for TWoO. We were both in the musical our senior years. I guess we're partial.)

Just thought I'd share my adorable findings....

Oh, and here's a funny for ya. Picked this up on clearance on Cato and carried it around.
Tried it on and laughed out loud. 
This is why you try things on before you buy them!

Do I not look huge!??!
I thought a cute little leopard cover-up would be great for work...
ummm.... this is not attractive in ANY manner. This got put back on the rack immediately.

Have a good Saturday!
Until Next Time...

Friday, January 25, 2013

The result of the last month in our house...

Reader Beware. These images may shock you..... haha

So... after Christmas, I wrote that I got the flu and it kicked my bootie for 5 whole days. While I was sick, Grandma got sicker and ended up back in the hospital with pneumonia, and you know what happened from that point.  Since I had the house all cleaned up for Christmas, I've done nothing else in this house.... a little laundry here and there... and a little cooking.... and that's about it. Cam does the dishes in our house (thank goodness!), so that's been taken care of, but not much else has been done in the last month...  I leave for work very early, drive nearly an hour to get there, work with 5 year olds all day, stay until 4 or later--sometimes 6 or after, run errands (and for days, we were at the nursing home or hospital until past bedtime), drive an hour home, eat some dinner and then I'm pooped. I've been going to bed by 9 every night...and to be completely honest....I just don't feel like doing anything. There's reminders of what's happened in the last month all over my house and I just want to escape it all right now. I'm not ready to accept it.

I've never been a good housekeeper (I like to keep my house 'lived in' hahaha) but it has just gotten crazy. Cam keeps asking if we're taking our Christmas trees down soon and my immediate answer is 'no.' I have no emotional desire to take anything down anytime in the immediate future. When you step into our house, you'd think it was December... my musical carousel is out, Christmas cards are hanging on the wall, mantle is decorated with greenery and lights...... all of which have a nice layer of dust on them.... Christmas tree is fully decorated.....there's a pile of wreaths in our front room that used to be on the front of our house (and are probably only down because they fell down)...... My furniture is rearranged since having a game night after Christmas and it was never put back.... Jars of ornaments are on the shelves and tables, and pine cones and pine slabs decorate all my flat surfaces...  And that's how it's going to stay for a while.

If my tree is still up and my house is still decorated, there's a part of me that feels like the past month HAS been a dream. She's not gone. Christmas is still around the corner and life will go on as normal.....

  So... after some contemplating, I decided to share this disaster with you.... these images may scare you.
  Welcome to the January Christmas Chaos in my home...clutter, Christmas, laziness, heartache.

This is the result of a couple who has had the last month of life like we have....

So, for those of you locals, if you drive by my house
and see the silohuette of a small Christmas tree in the front window, please don't judge....
We try to keep the curtains closed so people don't know it's still up...

Honest. This is my house right now...
and I've not shown you some of the worst areas (our bedroom and office.)

Have you gone running away from your computer screaming in horror yet?
It's nuts. It's crazy. It's embarrassing. There's areas with just piles of clutter that I haven't felt like messing it.
Gifts from students. Gifts from Christmas. Stuff from school. Misc stuff.
And there it lays...collecting dust...

Oh, and I haven't even gotten started on Thank You notes from the funeral. The only thing I've done is buy them... in lavendar....her favorite color. The cards have not been forgotten....just been pushed off for now.

I'm not crazy. I know she's gone. I'm not living in full denial. I'm not one of those people that won't change a thing after that person passes--- like the people who leave a bedroom the same for 40 years after their child passes away--- but my heart wants to push everything off for a while.... so Christmas will hang around at our house for a little while longer. The clutter can hang around, too. Right now, I'm enjoying the pure laziness. I'll get to it. Some time. Right now, I'm letting my heart and mind take a break.

Until Next Time...

Am I normal? Have others in my same situation done the same thing?   Or am I just lazy?

Thursday, January 17, 2013


Last week, I suffered a huge loss. I'm trying to figure out what my emotions are right now and get my head back into this crazy thing called life. I don't know which way is up, if I'm coming or going, if I'm at peace with losing her or if there's a major melt down on the way, or if I grieved and mentally (and emotionally) prepared enough for this in the last two years that I'm more OK with all of it than I thought I'd be... Nothing in the last two weeks has affected me in the way I thought it would and I'm not sure what it all means right now. I'm just trying to sort out everything.....

I feel like it is all a dream....as if she's just staying in the nursing home for strength building again and will be home in a few weeks. We knew it was coming at some point in the near future, but it just came on so fast...

I'm at a loss with how to deal with the fact that I've not cried in five days now and have zero emotion with it all..... after crying so much for the first week of everything... the anticipation, the loss and the grief. Her absence was very apparent in the first few days and I cried a lot... but now I feel as though I'm oblivious to it all.

 Am I at peace knowing that she is with the love of her life?? Or am I in denial with the fact that she is gone? Personally, I think it's the latter of the two and that my heart is going to break soon. I'm fearing a total breakdown and it scares me.... How am I supposed to go on without such a huge influence in my life? There was so much more that I wanted to ask her... so much more to write down, document, and listen to...
Just so much more in general.

I've started to open Blogger several times in the last 2 weeks but couldn't make my fingers (or maybe it's my heart...) open a new post and start typing.... The act of doing so makes it more real for me.... She's gone. My grandma is gone. I've thought several times a day for the last week of things I want to ask or tell her...of stopping in to see her after work like I had done for weeks...of calling her to check on how she's doing..... and there's just nothing I can do.

I've talked about her, about losing her, about the funeral ....but I don't cry anymore.....It's like I'm just telling a story. I stand there, realizing that I'm emotionless at the moment...
I'm in a dream. A fog. A haze. I'm just lost. What's wrong?!?
 Even when I have a short moment of reality/pain/loss/missing her and actually cry a tear or two, the dream overcomes me again. I just want to cry about it...understand it... feel it....
This dream I'm living is crazy.
I want to feel the loss.
I want to grieve.

Christmas 2012

 When I can figure everything out, I'll blog again about her...
She was an amazing woman and I give credit to her for helping make me who I am today...
I'm just in robot mode right now....trying to figure life out...

Until Next Time...
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Saturday, January 5, 2013

Don't get discouraged...

Right about now, those New Years Resolutions Goals are starting to get a little tough, aren't they? Whether you're giving up smoking, starting to exercise, eating better, etc.... The fun of it has worn off and you're discouraged.....wanting to give up....

Just remember...

Source: google.com via Krista on Pinterest

Okay... enough of the motivational speaker stuff.... Just don't give up! You can do this!


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Running after a cold/flu

Since I've been so sick, I was wondering how I know when I'm ready to get out and run again.... after some googling (I love that we use that word as a verb), I found this interesting tip:

"So, next time you have a cold and wonder whether you should head out for your run, just remember the "neck check" developed by AR&FA Editorial Board Member Randy Eichner, M.D. If your cold symptoms are from the neck up, go for it. If your symptoms extend below the neck and include chest discomfort or deep cough, general aches and pains, and fever, hit the bed instead of the road. Rest, don't run."

I think it was very helpful! All in all, it comes down to how we feel of course, but it's nice to have a rule of thumb, in my opinion!

I hope this helps you as much as it helped me.... I'm not ready for a run quite yet. My cough is all in my chest. :(

Until Next Time...

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

My New Year's Goals

First off, let me just say that the word 'resolution' is one of those words that I hate..... It sets us up for failure.... It just has a black cloud hanging over it.... Therefore, I don't make resolutions.... I make goals... plans.. .objectives... ambitions. (ooo...aaaah...)

This year.... I plan to:

1) Run another half marathon....maybe 2!
It's an addiction. I'm making plans to do a spring mini and maybe another in September.... I just loved the training and race day!  There WILL be more!

2) Continue to eat healthy and understand what my body needs/doesn't need.
I got a compliment from a friend that I hadn't seen in a while about how different my body looked and how much weight I look like I've lost..... I give credit to not only running, but to understanding how to better fuel my body. If you eat junk.... well, your body kinda ...well... looks like junk (sorry. It's true.) I enjoy learning about foods and want to continue to learn new recipes who am I kidding?!?! I just need to continue to learn to cook! haha.

3) Work on my worry...
I had been doing so much better until a recent turn of events in my personal life has started it back up again. I need to continue to strengthen my faith and trust.

4) Work on my clutter...
OMG. This is a big one and I know my husband would agree. I can let this house just get out of hand. I leave stuff laying around, make piles to mess with later, stack clean (and folded) clothes in laundry baskets instead of putting them away..... it could go on and on. I have to be more responsible about my household duties. I'm almost 25 years old!
5) Do better with my finances.
While I was sick, I watched a lot of TV.... and one of the shows was a horribly old Dr. Phil rerun..... It was about financial mistakes and one huge one that I make is "justifying a purchase because you think you deserve it." I do this all the time and I need to stop. Sometimes it's little, like a $1 sweet tea after a bad day, but sometimes it's more. We're trying to cut back and I'm the worse about little purchases than Cam is.

6) Finish more projects in our home.
We have so many things that need done--- blinds hung up, walls painted, small repairs to be done.... I just want to make a full list and start knocking them off one by one!

What are your goals for 2013??


I've spent many days in bed.... watched more TV than I think I have in years... taken more pills than I ever have.... and whined more than I (probably) should have.... But I'm finally feeling better. Whatever bug I got hit me hard.

I went to the doctor Saturday morning after coming down with a cough/sore throat and aches Friday night. I hadn't been running a fever at all so we assumed it was a bad sinus infection coming on. I got a shot and prescription and went about my day. I was supposed to have my girlfriends over after meeting for lunch......... well, I never even made it to lunch. I was so tired that I stayed home, but invited them to come over after that. When they got there, I started going down hill. Within an hour, I was in bed. Cameron was going to have some of the girls' guys over (did that make sense??) for a movie, but the whole gang ended up playing games together in our family room while I slept. I still just thought it was a sinus infection until the fever/chills started in the middle of the night....and then the aches got worse...and by worse, I mean... they got awful! I've had the flu several times in the past few years and whatever this was... was awful! I couldn't stop coughing to sleep, my back ached but I just had to lay down.... I was miserable for days! (I also get some bad side effects from the prescription I was on, so that didn't help my yucky feeling any.)  I assume it was the flu, but I didn't go back to the doctor to find out. I just continued to take my antibiotic and some ibuprofen, and treat it as if it was.  We missed out on our Colts game, NYE and visiting with family.

Luckily none of the people at our house got it, but my poor nephew did. We were together all day Friday :( We may have gotten it from the same place, who knows. I feel awful that is still sick and just hope his mommy and daddy don't get it.

Anyway... I'm finally out of bed today.... I still have an awful cough and some dizziness and fullness in my ears that I'm working on getting lined out, but I should be able to go back to work when school starts again Thursday.... 

I hope this bug doesn't find its way to your house!
Until Next Time....