Monday, May 7, 2012

Perfect life?

I was recently visiting with an old high school friend whom I hadn't seen in 5 years. We had only a few minutes to visit and tried to fill each other in quickly on changes and updates. He mentioned that he had seen that we had bought a house and then said, "I'm sure your life is perfect like normal." I laughed out loud and said, "Perfect?!?! I don't have a job!" We chatted a bit more and when he walked away, my mind went spinning in a million different directions....

Perfect? Perfect?!?!  Perfect?!?!!??!?!  Do people really think that I live a perfect life?

I began to analyze my life and how people have treated me. Things started to make sense. From the outside, my life could be seen as "perfect."  In high school, I was thin, on the dance team, intelligent, top 10 of my class, etc etc etc...  I graduated college with nearly a 4.0 in less than 4 years, got married and bought a cute little house.... I've talked to people that I graduated with since we've been adults and have actually been told that I'm really nice.... they always thought I was snotty or stuck up. Those comments blew me away. I talked to everyone in high school and did my best to get to know people, not judge them.

Here's the truth of my life: I lost many of my friends in/after high school for stupid things that came between our group. I was often made fun for different things: not drinking, staying a virgin until my wedding, not partying, my crooked teeth, the guys that I dated, and so on. After getting married, Cam and I lived in a tiny apartment with a roommate for nearly a year before getting lucky and finding this house. We basically lived in one room and fought constantly because of it. We spent so much on a down payment (drained our savings) that we cannot afford to finish the inside like we want and buy some real furniture. All of our living room furniture has been given to us. (Luckily, Cam's parents had purchased a bedroom and dining room set for us before we got married.) Because of Cam's heart condition, we constantly have bills coming in. He catches every bug that I bring home from school and he has some other health issues. My car was given to me by my parents when they upgraded (very grateful!). The hood has lost about 1/4 of it's paint. It has died many times while I'm driving. It occassionally won't start for 'no reason at all' and it has a squeak in the back. I'm afraid to have many of these problems checked out because the estimates will probably make me cry. Last, but certainly not least, we are not able to start trying for a family until I get a teaching job... The thing that I want most in this life is to feel what it is like to be pregnant and be a mommy. We've already waited two years and will continue to wait until I get a career. I've been out of school 2 1/2 years and have been busting my butt, paying on school loans with what little income I have, and just waiting..... waiting...waiting...waiting...

As Cam and I talked about that comment later that evening, he added that to outsiders, it looks as though he can support us and I don't have to work! Ha! I laugh... There are times that I cringe as I write out bills. Just because a school doesn't call me to sub that day doesn't mean that I don't have to work. It means that we make sacrifices to try and keep my foot in the door to hopefully get a job soon...

This is really what people call a 'perfect' life?!?! Really? Don't get me wrong--- I've been spared a lot of heartache in my life and have had a great 24 years... but I would say that it's far from perfect!

I believe this is a lesson on "don't judge a book by its cover."


  1. I think that as long as you are sharing your life with those that you love and are doing your best to provide one another your life is pretty good. I have been stressing out over finances and other little negative things in my life that I have gotten so overwhelmed and forgot what really matters. As I was watching the girls play and laugh from swinging on a simple vine in the woods, came to a realization that my life is a great one. So what if I can't do alot of things with them that cost money because it goes to mortgage, groceries, gas, etc. That simple vine entertained us for along time and we laughed and enjoyed it longer than things that costs money. Sometimes stopping and enjoying smaller things in life are so much worth than looking at the 'bigger' picture or things we don't have. It's not worth stressing over it. I may not ever be able to give the girls what I really want to give them, but I can give them my unconditional love and swing on a vine. If you ever need anything, I'm just 2 doors down.

  2. Isn't it funny how people "looking in" see your life very differently than you see it yourself. I know exactly what you mean...people on the outside don't know all the little details, worries, bills, etc, that you are dealing with and stressed over! That's why I'm so overwhelmed by God's grace - I'm not perfect, He KNOWS that, and he loves me anyway:)!!

  3. Good points ladies. Isn't it just amazing how we assume and judge based on what few details we know... or THINK we know!


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