Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Skinny? No.. Healthy... Staying Positive

If you've been following my Insanity challenge, you may have read that I'm not taking any measurements... I may regret it later, but right now... I'm happy with my choice.

I didn't start this challenge to lose weight. (I'm a decent weight for my height and body build.) I started it to get healthy and to change my lifestyle. Instead of joining a fad diet and making drastic changes overnight, pushing myself for X amount of days and then giving up, only to gain back everything that I had lost..... I'm making changes.

I'm not getting caught up in numbers... Insanity is not a weight loss workout. It's a high-intensity cardio workout that is body changing. It builds muscle and tones what is there. I'm not interested in how many pounds I lose or pant sizes that I go down. I'm interested in gaining muscle, toning trouble zones, feeling confident and living a healthy life.

I got on my Wii Fit last week and it actually told me that I haven't lost any weight in the past 5 weeks...... I first thought, "What! This is crazy! I should have lost SOMETHING!"    I quickly changed my thought. It's not about what I'm LOSING during this challenge. It's about what I'm GAINING.  Weight is just number...
Being healthy is so much more important.

It does feel a little discouraging now... but I think I'll feel fully satisfied in 27 days.... (27 days?!?! WOW!!) 

The weekend was a little discouraging for me, to be completely honest. I found out Friday evening that two possible job openings we had assumed would be opening up in my corporation were just that--- assumed. As of now, there won't be any new hires. (THAT crushed me!) That night, I went to the recital for the dance studio that I used to dance in. I cry every time that I see dancing (recitals, movies, half-time shows...ANYTHING!)  because it reminds me how much I miss that feeling of being in that spotlight....my heart racing in my chest...proudly showing what I've worked so hard on.... so, you can probably guess that I sat during the recital with tears in my eyes several times... Then Saturday, I went shopping for some new workout clothes. I was washing the same workout clothes over..and over..and over again. It was time to add to the collection. As I stood in the dressing room, the image in the mirror still wasn't what I want to see. I saw some improvement, but those Target mirrors made me feel bigger than I'm felt in a several weeks (Aren't dressing rooms supposed to make you look skinny!?!?!?!) I started to let that feeling overwhelm me but tried to quickly get out of that rut and remind myself of the changes I'm making and the future before me. I'm not wanting to be a stick with no meat on my body, weak as can be.... I want to be proud of a healthy and strong body.  I'm getting there. It's not going to happen overnight by doing it the RIGHT way.... It's not a fad diet.. I'm not starving my body of nutrients that it needs...It's a lifestyle change.

I will admit that I didn't make the best food choices this weekend either and slacked off on the workout for two days... (And boy could I tell it on Monday!)  I feel awful about doing it and about letting my emotions get the best of me... But we all need a cheat day (or two) here and there, right?  I'm back into it and trying to stay on the right track again.... Being a girl, with emotions, can be tough sometimes....

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