So... after Christmas, I wrote that I got the flu and it kicked my bootie for 5 whole days. While I was sick, Grandma got sicker and ended up back in the hospital with pneumonia, and you know what happened from that point. Since I had the house all cleaned up for Christmas, I've done nothing else in this house.... a little laundry here and there... and a little cooking.... and that's about it. Cam does the dishes in our house (thank goodness!), so that's been taken care of, but not much else has been done in the last month... I leave for work very early, drive nearly an hour to get there, work with 5 year olds all day, stay until 4 or later--sometimes 6 or after, run errands (and for days, we were at the nursing home or hospital until past bedtime), drive an hour home, eat some dinner and then I'm pooped. I've been going to bed by 9 every night...and to be completely honest....I just don't feel like doing anything. There's reminders of what's happened in the last month all over my house and I just want to escape it all right now. I'm not ready to accept it.
I've never been a good housekeeper (I like to keep my house 'lived in' hahaha) but it has just gotten crazy. Cam keeps asking if we're taking our Christmas trees down soon and my immediate answer is 'no.' I have no emotional desire to take anything down anytime in the immediate future. When you step into our house, you'd think it was December... my musical carousel is out, Christmas cards are hanging on the wall, mantle is decorated with greenery and lights...... all of which have a nice layer of dust on them.... Christmas tree is fully decorated.....there's a pile of wreaths in our front room that used to be on the front of our house (and are probably only down because they fell down)...... My furniture is rearranged since having a game night after Christmas and it was never put back.... Jars of ornaments are on the shelves and tables, and pine cones and pine slabs decorate all my flat surfaces... And that's how it's going to stay for a while.
If my tree is still up and my house is still decorated, there's a part of me that feels like the past month HAS been a dream. She's not gone. Christmas is still around the corner and life will go on as normal.....
So... after some contemplating, I decided to share this disaster with you.... these images may scare you.
Welcome to the January Christmas Chaos in my home...clutter, Christmas, laziness, heartache.
This is the result of a couple who has had the last month of life like we have....
So, for those of you locals, if you drive by my house
and see the silohuette of a small Christmas tree in the front window, please don't judge....
We try to keep the curtains closed so people don't know it's still up...
Honest. This is my house right now...
and I've not shown you some of the worst areas (our bedroom and office.)
Have you gone running away from your computer screaming in horror yet?
It's nuts. It's crazy. It's embarrassing. There's areas with just piles of clutter that I haven't felt like messing it.
Gifts from students. Gifts from Christmas. Stuff from school. Misc stuff.
And there it lays...collecting dust...
Oh, and I haven't even gotten started on Thank You notes from the funeral. The only thing I've done is buy them... in lavendar....her favorite color. The cards have not been forgotten....just been pushed off for now.
I'm not crazy. I know she's gone. I'm not living in full denial. I'm not one of those people that won't change a thing after that person passes--- like the people who leave a bedroom the same for 40 years after their child passes away--- but my heart wants to push everything off for a while.... so Christmas will hang around at our house for a little while longer. The clutter can hang around, too. Right now, I'm enjoying the pure laziness. I'll get to it. Some time. Right now, I'm letting my heart and mind take a break.
Until Next Time...
Krista
Am I normal? Have others in my same situation done the same thing? Or am I just lazy?
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Don't feel bad - I won't even post pics of my house but if you really want to feel better, just show up unexpected ANY day of the week and my house will make you feel much better. I do have my tree down but that is just because I needed the space. haha. And as close as you were with your Grandma - take all the time you need to wrap your emotions around the fact that she is physically gone. All the crap you mentioned will be here when you are ready to deal with it - now if you start posting pictures that look like some of the people on the show Hoarders - we may have to call for some help. :)
ReplyDeleteHaha. Thanks for a laugh! I'm not quite to the hoarders level yet, but I'm enjoying the laziness!
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