Friday, February 8, 2013

It's been a month??

How? How on Earth has it already been a month without the amazing woman I got the honor of calling Grandma?? I cannot believe that Friday marked one month.  I think of her every day...many times a day..... .....but I still don't cry much.  I still feel dazed... I still feel like a piece of me is missing, but will return soon. I'm having a hard time accepting that it is for real.... not a dream, not a short break that will be over soon... It's real. It's life.

I've thought of many things that I wish I could ask her.... I think of the tough times she went through, of the parts of my life she won't be there for and how I will explain my grandparents to my own children some day. The toughest part for me is having that overwhelming feeling when I realize she won't be at family get-togethers. Dinners, parties, holiday events, reunions..... That's the toughest. Even in the short month, we've been together and planned a few family things and I immediately start thinking if there are steps leading to the door, how far is it for her to get to a restroom and what will the weather be like.... but it's all irrelevant now. That part of my life is missing.

On Thursday, I gave my students the writing prompt "I love..." One student came up to me and asked if he could write that he loved his grandpa even though he passed away. My eyes filled with tears while I looked at this five year old that understood life so well. It doesn't matter that they're gone.... We still love them. I shook my head and told him, "Absolutely!" We talked a bit more and I said, "Remember when I was gone for a few days last month? My grandma passed away and I had to take a few days off. I miss her every day, but I still love her." He got a grin on his face and said, "And I still love my grandpa." 

As much as my heart aches every day and my brain is trying to grasp the reality of everything, I know that I got 24 years with the most caring and compassionate woman that I will ever meet. I love her : )

Have a good Sunday... I'll be spending the evening at one of my grandma and grandpa's favorite places.... around a dinner table with family, making memories :)

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